t Starbase Four, Johnny Storm was practicing his moves in front of his sister. They were on the holodeck, and he had created a wheel on a stand which had holes in the ends of the spokes. As it rotated, he had to fly through the holes without touching the sides.
“Whew! Just made it!”
“Not bad, Johnny,” Sue said. “Tomorrow we can turn it even faster!”
“There!” He cried from another location after he’d zipped away. “I zipped through that tank tread without even touching a rivet!”
“Don’t get too overconfident, young man! Remember, the tank wasn’t moving!” As he descended, she tagged him with a water hose. “You’ll have to brush up on reversing your direction in flight, Johnny! I got you that time!”
“Aww, sis, can’t I be allowed one mistake?”
“Nope! Not when it could mean your finish in a real battle!”
Johnny came upon a steel door set into nothing and hovered in front of it, pointing his finger at the lock. “Hey, dig this, Sue! I shaped my flame to fit the lock, just like a key!”
“Not bad, Torch, but I guess that’s enough for today.”
Returning to the living/dining area of their rooms aboard the Starbase, the Torch and his sister prepared for a lazy, leisurely Saturday afternoon…
“It’s rather nice to spend a quiet day at home, with no dangerous Fantastic Four missions to worry about,” Sue said.
“You can say that again, Sis! That workout took a lot out of me--I’m exhausted! Look out, couch! Here I come!” He took a seat and picked up a PADD, and was immediately bothered by what he saw. “Flamin’ fireballs! Look at this! Almost the whole freaking issue of ‘Live’ is dedicated to that swollen-headed Spider-Man!” He leapt back to his feet. “Where does he come off gettin’ that much publicity? What can he do that I can’t do better?”
“Well,” Sue began with mild interest, “he can get more headlines, for one thing.”
“Man! That really bugs me! When I do somethin’ sensational, the Fantastic Four gets the credit. But when that corny creep does anything, every paper and mag gives him a write-up!”
Sue went invisible, saying “If you intend to continue that childish tantrum, I’ll simply fade away.”
“Yeah? You wouldn’t be so calm if there was a Spider-Girl somewhere, stealin’ your thunder!” He flamed on and struck a furious pose. “Every time I pick up a paper it’s ‘Spider-Man this’ and ‘Spider-Man that--’! Man, that guy makes me sizzle! I’d give anything for a chance to prove he ain’t so hot!”
Although he didn’t suspect it, the Torch was closer to that chance than he knew. On its way to an art exhibition on Andor was a newly-discovered Da Vinci masterpiece on exhibition in one of the Starbase’s off-duty rooms. A man wearing a pink suit and hat stood in front of it, addressing a man in a green suit and a brown hat.
“You’ll never be able to pull this job off, Fox! There’s too many guards around!”
“Don’t be a fool! My plans are all made! That painting will belong to the Fox before morning!”
“I still don’t like it! Even if Starfleet don’t stop ya, you’ve still got the Fantastic Four to worry about--and maybe even Spider-Man!!”
“Exactly the opposite, my friend! I’ve arranged things so that Spider-Man will help me! Just wait and see!”
And so, later that night, as the third shift began across Starfleet…
“There! This master wire will cut off primary power to the entire Starbase!” The Fox exclaimed as he disengaged a circuit inside a wall panel.
“I don’t like it, Charlie,” one security officer said to his comrade, as he shone a palm beacon down a corridor in the exhibition hall. “All our power’s just…gone! Doctor Doom might be planning something. Better get in touch with engineering!”
Charlie tapped his combadge. “Engineering? What’s going on?”
Minutes later…
A crew of repair technicians came marching down the corridor and were admitted without hesitation. They set to work repairing the power in and around the room. Then, after fixing the faulty wiring, the “repairmen” left, taking with them one item more than they had brought!
“It worked like a charm, Fox!” One of Fox’s henchmen on board his cloaked shuttle exclaimed.
“But the best part is yet to come! Wait ‘til they find the clue I left for them!”
“It’s gone!!” Charlie cried. “While they were fixin’ the wires…”
A real engineering team had arrived in the wake of The Fox and his men, and they were initially treated with suspicion, but soon they were able to prove that they were legitimate. Then a quick investigation took place.
“Look what I found under the frame,” Charlie’s fellow guard called out. “Looks like part of a giant spider’s web! Hey! That’s it! It musta been Spider-Man!”
“None of those guys looked like Spider-Man to me!” Charlie put in. “Under the circumstances it’s not like they needed to be him anyway…”
“I dunno, Charlie…maybe they’re in cahoots with him. How else did this get here?”
Within an hour, the news was out--all across the Federation, people were asking themselves why Spider-Man had turned into an art thief…
“Are ya sure this hunk of canvas is worth all that dough, Fox?” A henchman asked.
“It’s supposed to be by Da Vinci, ain’t it?” another volunteered. “Even somethin’ he threw away would be worth a fortune!”
“Of course! But now let’s watch Spider-Man lead the police on a wild goose chase!” Fox said, and it shut them both up.
At that moment, Captain Picard was contacted by Starbase Four, and immediately ordered to bring the Enterprise there to assist in locating both Spider-Man and the missing painting. Although Picard believed the evidence was too scant to convict someone who he was sure existed solely to torment him, he was nevertheless eager for an opportunity to capture said tormentor. He ordered maximum warp.
Meanwhile, seated at the computer in his quarters, a lone figure scanned the latest news headlines in bewilderment.
“The only way I can prove my innocence is to find the real thief!” Peter Parker mused aloud. “But how? I haven’t got any clues--and I dare not let any Starfleet officers catch sight of me! This is one time when even Spider-Man can use some help!
“The Human Torch lives at Starbase Four, or at least attached to it at Four Freedoms Plaza! If I can convince him of my innocence, I’ll have a chance! He’s a teenager, like me! It might be fun to work with him while we go after the guy who framed me! Guess I’ll have to wait until the Enterprise gets there, though…”
And so, a short time later, Peter got into his Spider-Man outfit and found an excuse to go over to the Starbase.
“Last stop, Four Freedoms Plaza!”
It didn’t take him long to pinpoint the entrance like he had found it last time, but getting in would be more difficult now. Security all over the Starbase was heavier than before. He peeped around the corner at the guards watching the door to the crossover bridge, and then…
Whoops! Here comes Sue Storm--the Invisible Woman! Wonder where she’s off to.
It didn’t take him long to figure out a way past the guards. He merely changed back into Peter Parker and strolled past them like he had business up there as a Starfleet Cadet.
Suckers!
Then it was only a matter of time before he found a convenient restroom in which to change back into Spider-Man. He explored the corridors a bit until he located Johnny Storm’s room.
Johnny was engaged in a conversation over his communicator, presumably with the Chief of Security on board the Starbase. “No, Chief, I haven’t heard anything.”
“We have reason to believe Spider-Man was at the art exhibit last night, and that he stole a valuable painting!”
“What? Spider-Man?!! You’re kidding!”
“Wanna help us out, Johnny?”
“Sure--I’ll be glad to help you find him!” Johnny gave a start as though he’d become aware of Spider-Man’s presence. “Talk to you later, Chief--I think someone’s here.” He then turned and, with a look of angry surprise, he said “There is someone there. You!! Flame on!!”
He’s got more nerve than brains, the moron.
Johnny’s body was sheathed in flames, and he blasted through the air toward Spider-Man. “I’ll just grab him, and--hey! He’s faster’n I thought!”
Spider-Man, from his position on the ceiling, said “Torch--wait! I want to talk to you!”
Johnny wasn’t having it, however. He turned the corner and spun around in a fluid motion, and hurled a spread of three fireballs which Spider-Man narrowly avoided.
“Hold it! Cut it out! What’s wrong with you? You some kinda nut or somethin’?”
“I’ll show ya the kind of nut I am! You thought you’d sneak up on me, did ya? Running isn’t gonna help you!” Johnny superheated the hull all around him so that Spider-Man had to let go, and then all he could do was to literally run. The best thing Spider-Man could do at that point was create a ball of webbing the size of a beach ball, turn around and hurl it. Johnny was splattered, but he began efficiently melting it off of him.
“Don’t go ‘way mad, sonny-boy! There’s lots more where that came from!” Spider-Man whipped up another one and threw it, but this time Johnny dodged.
“Me go away? That’s just wishful thinking! I’ll just make a few fire images of me, and then we’ll mix ourselves up a little bit! It’ll be fun watchin’ you knock yourself out tryin’ to find the right one!” With that, Johnny appeared to duplicate himself, though the effect was only feasible because, when his powers were active, he looked like a fire in the shape of a man--so anything which was literally that looked just like him.
Spider-Man turned and ran into an open room, so he was no longer bound by the narrow corridor. “Look, Junior! This is the big time! Your cornball tricks don’t bother me!”
I never saw anyone move so fast! Johnny thought as his dupes tried to catch Spider-Man.
Spider-Man kept dashing away from Johnny in his desire to escape. “The Torch musta found out about Starfleet wanting me for the theft of that painting, and he believes I’m guilty! I sure came to the wrong guy for help! Well, the hell with ‘im! It’ll take more than a human matchstick to put the kibosh on Spider-Man! Just in case he’s dumb enough to still be following me, I’ll arrange a little welcome for him here in this holodeck!”
Spider-Man keyed in a program and slipped through the door. Here he comes! Well, all I’ve gotta do is whirl this cement mixer at super speed, and the long pipe I attached to the muzzle will do the rest!
The holodeck recreation was of a mountainside, probably somewhere in Colorado, and as Johnny rounded the bend, he was instantly doused in cement.
“Bullseye!” Spider-Man leapt away down the side of the mountain. “So long, stupid! By the time you get outta that, maybe you’ll have learned better than to fight with Spider-Man!”
Johnny poured all of his power into getting the cement casing off of him. “Curse my luck! It’s my own damned fault! When will I ever learn to stop underestimating my opponents?!
“Well, first thing I gotta do is get out of this cement strait-jacket. I’ll just increase the heat of my body as much as possible, and…presto!” Chunks of cement broke off of him. “I guess I’m the only guy who ever baked himself out of a fix like that!
“I’m bushed. Better rest a while. Spider-Man’ll keep ‘til later.” Johnny sat and rested against the wheel of a digger.
Minutes later, as Johnny made his way toward the exit to the Starbase…
It’s a spooky feeling--knowing that he could be anywhere, watchin’ me with that damn spider-vision of his. Well, I guess I rested enough. Time to pick up my pace!
Spider-Man watched from a maintenance shaft as Johnny flamed on and disappeared down the crossover bridge. “While the Torch is out looking for Spider-Man, Peter Parker can put Reed Richards’ chem lab to good use!”
Expertly, the clever science student set to work. I’ve got to make a web which will hold the Torch long enough for me to reason with him! The addition of these ice-cold silicone crystals, which I can manipulate under the microscope, are just what I need!
“Done! Now all that remains is to test it!” He shot a webline out from his wrist and struck it with a hammer. It remained rigid. “Perfect! It’s cold enough to douse Torch’s flame, and strong enough to withstand a hammer blow! Now it’s time to track me down a Human Torch!”
Captain Picard and his entire senior staff, sans engineering, were assembled in Captain Williams’ conference room.
“His modus operandi is unpredictable,” Picard explained. “We have had no luck pinning him down because he only emerges when he wants to. As far as we can tell, he cannot be lured out.”
Counselor Troi leaned forward. “He believes himself to be a genuine hero. I can sense that from him. Perhaps if we were to…no, no, that would not be right.” She suddenly appeared to feel guilty, and leaned back in her chair--but the Captains in the room were staring at her.
“Counselor, it could be vital that you provide us with any insights you might have.” Williams urged.
“Yes, but it’s wrong, isn’t it? He tries to help us, and we respond by trapping him?”
Picard leaned forward. “Counselor, though he may, from time to time, attempt to perform heroic deeds, he is nonetheless a thief and a troublemaker. Need I remind you what happened with the Edo?”
She sighed. “I was going to recommend that we…manufacture some kind of emergency. Induce him to come out and try to save people. But I don’t like it.”
Picard wanted to express that he did, but he saw no support in the eyes of his officers for this plan…
And just one junction down the corridor…
“I hear you’re a whiz at designin’ shuttlecraft, Torch!” A security officer said. “Have you ever done any work on classic 20th-century motorcycles?”
“Sure! I’ve got the sweetest Harley Davidson you’ve ever seen, programmed into my holodeck! As soon as we get Spider-Man under wraps, take a ride out to my place, Pete, and we’ll--”
He was interrupted by his pal Pete pointing past him down the corridor. “Hey! What is it?”
His buddy said “Look! It’s him!” but by that point, Johnny had already turned around.
“S’matter, Torch? You need a bodyguard? How about tryin’ to tackle me by yourself again?”
“Just try and stop me, loudmouth! FLAME ON!”
Johnny flew at him full-tilt.
“Only missed me by a couple of feet that time, Junior! Not bad for a guy with no talent!”
“I’ll make you eat those words before we’re through, you masked meathead!”
Spider-Man dashed into the nearest large room, which just happened to be the mess hall. He leapt up high and sailed over the heads of some hapless diners. If I stay close enough to bystanders, he’ll be unable to use his fireballs for fear of hurting someone!
“Tell me something, Torchy--how can someone as slow as you manage to keep up with the Fantastic Four?”
“Ver-ry funny, chump! Look, runnin’ up the wall is just a corny show-off trick! It’s not gonna shake me off your trail!”
“I’m not tryin’ to shake you, half-pint! All I wanna do is get you close enough to do this!”
Spider-Man unloaded his special webbing on the Torch, who hit the floor in a spectacularly undramatic fashion.
“Okay, so you stopped me for now! But this hunk of phony threads won’t hold me forever, and when I melt ‘em…”
Several Starfleet officers in the room had jumped to their feet and aimed their phasers at Spider-Man, and one of them tapped his combadge, calling for security.
“Look, hotheat--give your tonsils a rest and listen to me, will ya? In ten seconds I’m gonna be swarmed by security officers and then any chance I have of clearing my name will be long gone! I just wanted a chance to tell you that I didn’t take that Da Vinci painting! Somebody framed me--and no pun intended! The only reason I came to your HQ was to ask you to help me!”
“You kiddin’? You think I was born yesterday?”
“Okay, shut up and listen already!”
The Torch, contrary to Spider-Man’s demands, was trying to activate his flame.
“Use your head, Torch! If I really stole that painting, why would I waste time trying to convince you? I’d cut out so fast your head would spin! I thought you’d get a kick out of working with me, and helping me find the real thief! But I’m through begging! Now you can make up your mind! I probably made a mistake coming to you in the first place! All you care about is headlines! You probably don’t wanna share the publicity with me! So I’ll go it alone from here on in! So long, little man!”
The Torch was befuddled by the fact that he was now apparently covered in snow from what had become of Spider-Man’s web, and just then, Tasha Yar led the charge around the corner. Spider-Man ducked out the opposite entrance to the room, and she shouted “There he goes!”
Captain Picard was close behind her, while the rest of his senior staff hung back, allowing Williams’ crew to do their jobs.
“Can you believe that?” The Torch ranted on the floor. “He called me all the things I was calling him! Maybe the costumed clown really is innocent!
“Wish I could get outta this webbing, but I’d hurt everybody if I brought my body heat all the way up to cosmic blast intensity…”
But fortunately for the Torch, certain crewmen who had been busy with their lunch came over and blasted him free with phasers. He got up immediately, thanked them, and zipped off to help his fellow superhero.
“So much for that icy web! Now my next step is to ask Security Chief Rudd to call off the hunt for Spider-Man until I’ve had a chance to contact him again…”
A few minutes later, in the Security Office of Security Chief Rudd…
“Yes, Chief! Sure, Chief! We’re bound to get a lead on Spider-Man sooner or later!” Ensign Daniels shouted into his combadge as he scoured the sensor displays.
“Can you use some help, Ensign?” The Torch asked, stepping casually into the room.
“I can use a miracle, Torch! If I don’t find that Spider-Man, the Chief’ll have my scalp! He stole another painting a half hour ago. They found another piece of his web right at the scene of the crime!”
“That clinches it, pal! He can’t be guilty, because he was playing footsie with me a half hour ago! Someone’s trying to frame Spider-Man, and we’d better find out who!”
“Hmm…” Daniels leaned over his sensor display. “Could be.”
“Maybe I could fly around the station and try to find--”
“Relax, Torch! Sometimes the less glamorous, tried-and-true police methods will get the best results! Let me go through our computer records and see what I can come up with!”
After long minutes of painstaking scrutiny…
“The Fox! Why didn’t I think of him before? This has all the trademarks of one of his capers!”
The Torch ran for the door. “That’s all I need, Ensign! At least it’s a lead! Have your men keep people from leaving the Starbase and wait ‘til you hear from me! I’ll do the rest!” He ran a little way away and then accessed a computer terminal. “First thing to do is contact Spider-Man!” He programmed a message into the computer so that all the terminals would contain a message “for Spider-Man’s eyes only”, reading “Spider-Man…let’s work together,” in flaming letters.
Elsewhere, The Fox and his cronies became aware that Spider-Man was receiving coded messages.
“Hey boss, if Spider-Man’s got help, I don’t want any part of it!”
“A wise general knows when to retreat! Don’t panic, boys…we’ll simply leave the Starbase for a while for our, eh, health!”
Then a coded reply came through, this one intended for the Torch. The Fox and his gang quickly ascertained what was going on…
Spidey and the Torch convened in an unoccupied cargo bay, far from where everyone was searching.
“Hi, Torchy! I had a hunch you’d be along sooner or later!”
“Don’t let it go to your head, laughing boy! We’ve still got a little robbery to solve!”
“Don’t try to kid me! I bet you’ve got some plan of action mapped out!”
“Nada! I stumbled upon the answer with the help of Ensign Rudd! The crook we’re looking for is probably the guy known as The Fox! I brought a PADD so you can see what he looks like…”
“Owww…it’s still hot! Okay, now that we know what he looks like, how do we find him?”
“Hell, I can’t do all the thinking for you! We’ll have to find him somehow! The only clues are a list of places Ensign Rudd gave me where he might be tempted to hole up or steal something!”
Soon, they were at the door to a shuttlebay. “This bay is the first place!” The Torch said. “Let’s look inside!”
“I hear ya, hotshot!”
Spidey went in first, to find a Starfleet officer hunched over the console at the top of the stairs. The Torch flew on while Spider-Man rushed over to see if he was alright. He touched his back and immediately pulled his hands away to find that they were stuck to a piece of cloth. It had blended in perfectly with the officer’s uniform, and now it adhered to his hands like glue. The officer stirred and stood up straight, revealing the unmistakable face of The Fox. He leveled a phaser at Spider-Man.
“My hands! They’re stuck--useless!”
“Ah, you catch on quickly, don’t you? Well, now that your hands are occupied, I’ll just make sure that I put the rest of you out of action, too! For now that you’ve outlived your usefulness to The Fox, I must regretfully bid you adieu!”
But, at that split-second, a sudden streak of flame darted out, striking The Fox’s weapon and melting it instantaneously!
“Th-the Torch! A wise man is never too proud to flee when his plans are upset! I’ll still triumph over those two young bunglers!” The Fox leapt over the railing and dropped painfully into the bay below.
“Stop squirming, Spider-Man! I’ll melt that thing off you in a minute!”
While The Fox yelled in agony, Spider-Man snapped at the Torch. “Hey! Take it easy, Torch! Those are my hands in there!”
“Anybody ever tell you that you complain a lot for a superhero? There! Now you can wiggle your little pink fingers again!”
Spidey leapt the railing and the Torch flew over him, but the doors opened at nearly the same time, to admit Rudd and some of his officers. They charged down into the shuttlebay, to find Spidey and the Torch hunched over the inert, screaming form of The Fox, who had broken his leg in the fall. His two lackeys entered just after the security officers, and were quickly spotted and arrested.
“Now, Spider-Man, I’m afraid I do have orders to bring you in too, son.”
The Torch stepped up to Rudd. “Hey, I thought we had an understanding, pal! He’s innocent!”
Rudd squared up to the Torch. “I like you, Torch. I do. But I have orders. Captains Picard and Williams are gonna be through that door any second, and I can’t tell them I’ve lost--HEY!”
Spider-Man leapt clear to the ceiling of the large bay. Several people fired their phasers at him, but he scuttled along and scrambled all the way to the door, which he then swung through by holding on to the top of the frame. The Torch just laughed.
Rudd sent a couple men after Spider-Man, but shook his head and sputtered at the futility of it.
The search was on for the stolen paintings. Captain Picard was fuming, but he tried not to show it. He allowed Data to assist in the search, and soon they were able to cobble together a method of scanning for the ancient artifacts. Picard retired to his ready room, where he was soon joined by Beverly Crusher.
“Jean-Luc…you’re so red! Are you coming down with something?” Her concern was real, but she knew better than to ask him directly what he was angry about. He continued to frown, and closed the report in front of him.
“Doctor…we had him! We almost had Spider-Man! And then? In a stroke of pure…stubbornness…he’s eluded us again! What am I to tell Admiral Jameson? What am I to do, the next time he decides to run amok on board my ship?”
Crusher sat in the chair across from him. “It might sound crazy, Jean-Luc, but I think you ought to let it go.”
He snorted out a sharp laugh. “Oh, let it go? That’s…I can’t do that, and you know it.” Picard stood up, paced over to his window and looked out of it, hands clasped behind his back. “We’re Starfleet. The Federation doesn’t have men like that running around outside the law, outside any form of order, just on their own whim. We curtail the potential dangers of every life form who makes the Federation their home to every other life form, and they submit to it with a modicum of dignity.” He turned around, a sarcastic smirk upon his face. “But not Spider-Man. No! Spider-Man runs around with impunity, does whatever he wants! And when we lose him, the majority of onlookers say ‘oh well, he’s not so bad after all’.” Picard came over to the desk and leaned on it, the better to look into Beverly’s eyes. “But he is, Beverly. He’s a public menace, on board a Starfleet vessel, disrupting our duties whenever it suits his desires. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!”
Crusher couldn’t help but laugh at him outright. His nostrils flared, and he got off of the desk in a huff.
“Jean-Luc, what about Q? He could come back at any moment, and it seemed obvious that he’s capable of far more than Spider-Man is. For that matter, Data could even be capable of greater feats.”
“That’s not the issue, Doctor.”
“Oh? Well then what is? It’s obvious to me that he’s humiliated you.” She held up her hands to stave off a tongue-lashing. “You’ve kept your dignity throughout this entire preposterous series of events. I just mean that he’s undermined you as Captain, and I think it’s getting to you. What you need is to be able to let it go.”
There was a period of silence in which neither of them spoke, and then she added, “Wesley really likes both of you. I think he’d be devastated if he had to see much more of this. He respects you because you’re the Captain, but Spider-Man…he’s what every boy probably wishes he could be.”
Picard straightened his perfectly straight uniform top. “I would imagine that Vulcan boys aspire to be more like Mr. Spock.”
“Yyyyes, well that may be, but I think you get the point.”
“I do. Thank you, Doctor. Well I really must be getting back to this report. If you’ll excuse me?”
“Not a problem, Jean-Luc.” Crusher got up and let herself out.
Picard shook his head. No one understood. Spider-Man was like a teenager in the twentieth century, stealing hubcaps. He had to be stopped.
Peter returned to his quarters, another job well done, another catastrophe narrowly avoided. The Torch and him might make good partners yet, though it remained to be seen. He regretted that he had to return to his normal identity, although he also liked being Peter Parker. Well, sometimes. Being Spider-Man offered him power and freedom like he’d never experience otherwise, but being Peter Parker kept him grounded. He had a career, a family, a friend…
Sure, there were guys out there like Flash Thompson and he’d always probably strike out with girls like Betty Brant, but he outranked them both! Lieutenant Connors would take time to see his potential, but that didn’t matter. He could coast through his Starfleet career and still make a name for himself, take pictures on the side and reach his full potential in the foiling of villains. How many people could say they’d swung into action, fought crime, alongside the Human Torch?
Now there was one more.
“Whew! Just made it!”
“Not bad, Johnny,” Sue said. “Tomorrow we can turn it even faster!”
“There!” He cried from another location after he’d zipped away. “I zipped through that tank tread without even touching a rivet!”
“Don’t get too overconfident, young man! Remember, the tank wasn’t moving!” As he descended, she tagged him with a water hose. “You’ll have to brush up on reversing your direction in flight, Johnny! I got you that time!”
“Aww, sis, can’t I be allowed one mistake?”
“Nope! Not when it could mean your finish in a real battle!”
Johnny came upon a steel door set into nothing and hovered in front of it, pointing his finger at the lock. “Hey, dig this, Sue! I shaped my flame to fit the lock, just like a key!”
“Not bad, Torch, but I guess that’s enough for today.”
Returning to the living/dining area of their rooms aboard the Starbase, the Torch and his sister prepared for a lazy, leisurely Saturday afternoon…
“It’s rather nice to spend a quiet day at home, with no dangerous Fantastic Four missions to worry about,” Sue said.
“You can say that again, Sis! That workout took a lot out of me--I’m exhausted! Look out, couch! Here I come!” He took a seat and picked up a PADD, and was immediately bothered by what he saw. “Flamin’ fireballs! Look at this! Almost the whole freaking issue of ‘Live’ is dedicated to that swollen-headed Spider-Man!” He leapt back to his feet. “Where does he come off gettin’ that much publicity? What can he do that I can’t do better?”
“Well,” Sue began with mild interest, “he can get more headlines, for one thing.”
“Man! That really bugs me! When I do somethin’ sensational, the Fantastic Four gets the credit. But when that corny creep does anything, every paper and mag gives him a write-up!”
Sue went invisible, saying “If you intend to continue that childish tantrum, I’ll simply fade away.”
“Yeah? You wouldn’t be so calm if there was a Spider-Girl somewhere, stealin’ your thunder!” He flamed on and struck a furious pose. “Every time I pick up a paper it’s ‘Spider-Man this’ and ‘Spider-Man that--’! Man, that guy makes me sizzle! I’d give anything for a chance to prove he ain’t so hot!”
Although he didn’t suspect it, the Torch was closer to that chance than he knew. On its way to an art exhibition on Andor was a newly-discovered Da Vinci masterpiece on exhibition in one of the Starbase’s off-duty rooms. A man wearing a pink suit and hat stood in front of it, addressing a man in a green suit and a brown hat.
“You’ll never be able to pull this job off, Fox! There’s too many guards around!”
“Don’t be a fool! My plans are all made! That painting will belong to the Fox before morning!”
“I still don’t like it! Even if Starfleet don’t stop ya, you’ve still got the Fantastic Four to worry about--and maybe even Spider-Man!!”
“Exactly the opposite, my friend! I’ve arranged things so that Spider-Man will help me! Just wait and see!”
And so, later that night, as the third shift began across Starfleet…
“There! This master wire will cut off primary power to the entire Starbase!” The Fox exclaimed as he disengaged a circuit inside a wall panel.
“I don’t like it, Charlie,” one security officer said to his comrade, as he shone a palm beacon down a corridor in the exhibition hall. “All our power’s just…gone! Doctor Doom might be planning something. Better get in touch with engineering!”
Charlie tapped his combadge. “Engineering? What’s going on?”
Minutes later…
A crew of repair technicians came marching down the corridor and were admitted without hesitation. They set to work repairing the power in and around the room. Then, after fixing the faulty wiring, the “repairmen” left, taking with them one item more than they had brought!
“It worked like a charm, Fox!” One of Fox’s henchmen on board his cloaked shuttle exclaimed.
“But the best part is yet to come! Wait ‘til they find the clue I left for them!”
“It’s gone!!” Charlie cried. “While they were fixin’ the wires…”
A real engineering team had arrived in the wake of The Fox and his men, and they were initially treated with suspicion, but soon they were able to prove that they were legitimate. Then a quick investigation took place.
“Look what I found under the frame,” Charlie’s fellow guard called out. “Looks like part of a giant spider’s web! Hey! That’s it! It musta been Spider-Man!”
“None of those guys looked like Spider-Man to me!” Charlie put in. “Under the circumstances it’s not like they needed to be him anyway…”
“I dunno, Charlie…maybe they’re in cahoots with him. How else did this get here?”
Within an hour, the news was out--all across the Federation, people were asking themselves why Spider-Man had turned into an art thief…
“Are ya sure this hunk of canvas is worth all that dough, Fox?” A henchman asked.
“It’s supposed to be by Da Vinci, ain’t it?” another volunteered. “Even somethin’ he threw away would be worth a fortune!”
“Of course! But now let’s watch Spider-Man lead the police on a wild goose chase!” Fox said, and it shut them both up.
At that moment, Captain Picard was contacted by Starbase Four, and immediately ordered to bring the Enterprise there to assist in locating both Spider-Man and the missing painting. Although Picard believed the evidence was too scant to convict someone who he was sure existed solely to torment him, he was nevertheless eager for an opportunity to capture said tormentor. He ordered maximum warp.
Meanwhile, seated at the computer in his quarters, a lone figure scanned the latest news headlines in bewilderment.
“The only way I can prove my innocence is to find the real thief!” Peter Parker mused aloud. “But how? I haven’t got any clues--and I dare not let any Starfleet officers catch sight of me! This is one time when even Spider-Man can use some help!
“The Human Torch lives at Starbase Four, or at least attached to it at Four Freedoms Plaza! If I can convince him of my innocence, I’ll have a chance! He’s a teenager, like me! It might be fun to work with him while we go after the guy who framed me! Guess I’ll have to wait until the Enterprise gets there, though…”
And so, a short time later, Peter got into his Spider-Man outfit and found an excuse to go over to the Starbase.
“Last stop, Four Freedoms Plaza!”
It didn’t take him long to pinpoint the entrance like he had found it last time, but getting in would be more difficult now. Security all over the Starbase was heavier than before. He peeped around the corner at the guards watching the door to the crossover bridge, and then…
Whoops! Here comes Sue Storm--the Invisible Woman! Wonder where she’s off to.
It didn’t take him long to figure out a way past the guards. He merely changed back into Peter Parker and strolled past them like he had business up there as a Starfleet Cadet.
Suckers!
Then it was only a matter of time before he found a convenient restroom in which to change back into Spider-Man. He explored the corridors a bit until he located Johnny Storm’s room.
Johnny was engaged in a conversation over his communicator, presumably with the Chief of Security on board the Starbase. “No, Chief, I haven’t heard anything.”
“We have reason to believe Spider-Man was at the art exhibit last night, and that he stole a valuable painting!”
“What? Spider-Man?!! You’re kidding!”
“Wanna help us out, Johnny?”
“Sure--I’ll be glad to help you find him!” Johnny gave a start as though he’d become aware of Spider-Man’s presence. “Talk to you later, Chief--I think someone’s here.” He then turned and, with a look of angry surprise, he said “There is someone there. You!! Flame on!!”
He’s got more nerve than brains, the moron.
Johnny’s body was sheathed in flames, and he blasted through the air toward Spider-Man. “I’ll just grab him, and--hey! He’s faster’n I thought!”
Spider-Man, from his position on the ceiling, said “Torch--wait! I want to talk to you!”
Johnny wasn’t having it, however. He turned the corner and spun around in a fluid motion, and hurled a spread of three fireballs which Spider-Man narrowly avoided.
“Hold it! Cut it out! What’s wrong with you? You some kinda nut or somethin’?”
“I’ll show ya the kind of nut I am! You thought you’d sneak up on me, did ya? Running isn’t gonna help you!” Johnny superheated the hull all around him so that Spider-Man had to let go, and then all he could do was to literally run. The best thing Spider-Man could do at that point was create a ball of webbing the size of a beach ball, turn around and hurl it. Johnny was splattered, but he began efficiently melting it off of him.
“Don’t go ‘way mad, sonny-boy! There’s lots more where that came from!” Spider-Man whipped up another one and threw it, but this time Johnny dodged.
“Me go away? That’s just wishful thinking! I’ll just make a few fire images of me, and then we’ll mix ourselves up a little bit! It’ll be fun watchin’ you knock yourself out tryin’ to find the right one!” With that, Johnny appeared to duplicate himself, though the effect was only feasible because, when his powers were active, he looked like a fire in the shape of a man--so anything which was literally that looked just like him.
Spider-Man turned and ran into an open room, so he was no longer bound by the narrow corridor. “Look, Junior! This is the big time! Your cornball tricks don’t bother me!”
I never saw anyone move so fast! Johnny thought as his dupes tried to catch Spider-Man.
Spider-Man kept dashing away from Johnny in his desire to escape. “The Torch musta found out about Starfleet wanting me for the theft of that painting, and he believes I’m guilty! I sure came to the wrong guy for help! Well, the hell with ‘im! It’ll take more than a human matchstick to put the kibosh on Spider-Man! Just in case he’s dumb enough to still be following me, I’ll arrange a little welcome for him here in this holodeck!”
Spider-Man keyed in a program and slipped through the door. Here he comes! Well, all I’ve gotta do is whirl this cement mixer at super speed, and the long pipe I attached to the muzzle will do the rest!
The holodeck recreation was of a mountainside, probably somewhere in Colorado, and as Johnny rounded the bend, he was instantly doused in cement.
“Bullseye!” Spider-Man leapt away down the side of the mountain. “So long, stupid! By the time you get outta that, maybe you’ll have learned better than to fight with Spider-Man!”
Johnny poured all of his power into getting the cement casing off of him. “Curse my luck! It’s my own damned fault! When will I ever learn to stop underestimating my opponents?!
“Well, first thing I gotta do is get out of this cement strait-jacket. I’ll just increase the heat of my body as much as possible, and…presto!” Chunks of cement broke off of him. “I guess I’m the only guy who ever baked himself out of a fix like that!
“I’m bushed. Better rest a while. Spider-Man’ll keep ‘til later.” Johnny sat and rested against the wheel of a digger.
Minutes later, as Johnny made his way toward the exit to the Starbase…
It’s a spooky feeling--knowing that he could be anywhere, watchin’ me with that damn spider-vision of his. Well, I guess I rested enough. Time to pick up my pace!
Spider-Man watched from a maintenance shaft as Johnny flamed on and disappeared down the crossover bridge. “While the Torch is out looking for Spider-Man, Peter Parker can put Reed Richards’ chem lab to good use!”
Expertly, the clever science student set to work. I’ve got to make a web which will hold the Torch long enough for me to reason with him! The addition of these ice-cold silicone crystals, which I can manipulate under the microscope, are just what I need!
“Done! Now all that remains is to test it!” He shot a webline out from his wrist and struck it with a hammer. It remained rigid. “Perfect! It’s cold enough to douse Torch’s flame, and strong enough to withstand a hammer blow! Now it’s time to track me down a Human Torch!”
Captain Picard and his entire senior staff, sans engineering, were assembled in Captain Williams’ conference room.
“His modus operandi is unpredictable,” Picard explained. “We have had no luck pinning him down because he only emerges when he wants to. As far as we can tell, he cannot be lured out.”
Counselor Troi leaned forward. “He believes himself to be a genuine hero. I can sense that from him. Perhaps if we were to…no, no, that would not be right.” She suddenly appeared to feel guilty, and leaned back in her chair--but the Captains in the room were staring at her.
“Counselor, it could be vital that you provide us with any insights you might have.” Williams urged.
“Yes, but it’s wrong, isn’t it? He tries to help us, and we respond by trapping him?”
Picard leaned forward. “Counselor, though he may, from time to time, attempt to perform heroic deeds, he is nonetheless a thief and a troublemaker. Need I remind you what happened with the Edo?”
She sighed. “I was going to recommend that we…manufacture some kind of emergency. Induce him to come out and try to save people. But I don’t like it.”
Picard wanted to express that he did, but he saw no support in the eyes of his officers for this plan…
And just one junction down the corridor…
“I hear you’re a whiz at designin’ shuttlecraft, Torch!” A security officer said. “Have you ever done any work on classic 20th-century motorcycles?”
“Sure! I’ve got the sweetest Harley Davidson you’ve ever seen, programmed into my holodeck! As soon as we get Spider-Man under wraps, take a ride out to my place, Pete, and we’ll--”
He was interrupted by his pal Pete pointing past him down the corridor. “Hey! What is it?”
His buddy said “Look! It’s him!” but by that point, Johnny had already turned around.
“S’matter, Torch? You need a bodyguard? How about tryin’ to tackle me by yourself again?”
“Just try and stop me, loudmouth! FLAME ON!”
Johnny flew at him full-tilt.
“Only missed me by a couple of feet that time, Junior! Not bad for a guy with no talent!”
“I’ll make you eat those words before we’re through, you masked meathead!”
Spider-Man dashed into the nearest large room, which just happened to be the mess hall. He leapt up high and sailed over the heads of some hapless diners. If I stay close enough to bystanders, he’ll be unable to use his fireballs for fear of hurting someone!
“Tell me something, Torchy--how can someone as slow as you manage to keep up with the Fantastic Four?”
“Ver-ry funny, chump! Look, runnin’ up the wall is just a corny show-off trick! It’s not gonna shake me off your trail!”
“I’m not tryin’ to shake you, half-pint! All I wanna do is get you close enough to do this!”
Spider-Man unloaded his special webbing on the Torch, who hit the floor in a spectacularly undramatic fashion.
“Okay, so you stopped me for now! But this hunk of phony threads won’t hold me forever, and when I melt ‘em…”
Several Starfleet officers in the room had jumped to their feet and aimed their phasers at Spider-Man, and one of them tapped his combadge, calling for security.
“Look, hotheat--give your tonsils a rest and listen to me, will ya? In ten seconds I’m gonna be swarmed by security officers and then any chance I have of clearing my name will be long gone! I just wanted a chance to tell you that I didn’t take that Da Vinci painting! Somebody framed me--and no pun intended! The only reason I came to your HQ was to ask you to help me!”
“You kiddin’? You think I was born yesterday?”
“Okay, shut up and listen already!”
The Torch, contrary to Spider-Man’s demands, was trying to activate his flame.
“Use your head, Torch! If I really stole that painting, why would I waste time trying to convince you? I’d cut out so fast your head would spin! I thought you’d get a kick out of working with me, and helping me find the real thief! But I’m through begging! Now you can make up your mind! I probably made a mistake coming to you in the first place! All you care about is headlines! You probably don’t wanna share the publicity with me! So I’ll go it alone from here on in! So long, little man!”
The Torch was befuddled by the fact that he was now apparently covered in snow from what had become of Spider-Man’s web, and just then, Tasha Yar led the charge around the corner. Spider-Man ducked out the opposite entrance to the room, and she shouted “There he goes!”
Captain Picard was close behind her, while the rest of his senior staff hung back, allowing Williams’ crew to do their jobs.
“Can you believe that?” The Torch ranted on the floor. “He called me all the things I was calling him! Maybe the costumed clown really is innocent!
“Wish I could get outta this webbing, but I’d hurt everybody if I brought my body heat all the way up to cosmic blast intensity…”
But fortunately for the Torch, certain crewmen who had been busy with their lunch came over and blasted him free with phasers. He got up immediately, thanked them, and zipped off to help his fellow superhero.
“So much for that icy web! Now my next step is to ask Security Chief Rudd to call off the hunt for Spider-Man until I’ve had a chance to contact him again…”
A few minutes later, in the Security Office of Security Chief Rudd…
“Yes, Chief! Sure, Chief! We’re bound to get a lead on Spider-Man sooner or later!” Ensign Daniels shouted into his combadge as he scoured the sensor displays.
“Can you use some help, Ensign?” The Torch asked, stepping casually into the room.
“I can use a miracle, Torch! If I don’t find that Spider-Man, the Chief’ll have my scalp! He stole another painting a half hour ago. They found another piece of his web right at the scene of the crime!”
“That clinches it, pal! He can’t be guilty, because he was playing footsie with me a half hour ago! Someone’s trying to frame Spider-Man, and we’d better find out who!”
“Hmm…” Daniels leaned over his sensor display. “Could be.”
“Maybe I could fly around the station and try to find--”
“Relax, Torch! Sometimes the less glamorous, tried-and-true police methods will get the best results! Let me go through our computer records and see what I can come up with!”
After long minutes of painstaking scrutiny…
“The Fox! Why didn’t I think of him before? This has all the trademarks of one of his capers!”
The Torch ran for the door. “That’s all I need, Ensign! At least it’s a lead! Have your men keep people from leaving the Starbase and wait ‘til you hear from me! I’ll do the rest!” He ran a little way away and then accessed a computer terminal. “First thing to do is contact Spider-Man!” He programmed a message into the computer so that all the terminals would contain a message “for Spider-Man’s eyes only”, reading “Spider-Man…let’s work together,” in flaming letters.
Elsewhere, The Fox and his cronies became aware that Spider-Man was receiving coded messages.
“Hey boss, if Spider-Man’s got help, I don’t want any part of it!”
“A wise general knows when to retreat! Don’t panic, boys…we’ll simply leave the Starbase for a while for our, eh, health!”
Then a coded reply came through, this one intended for the Torch. The Fox and his gang quickly ascertained what was going on…
Spidey and the Torch convened in an unoccupied cargo bay, far from where everyone was searching.
“Hi, Torchy! I had a hunch you’d be along sooner or later!”
“Don’t let it go to your head, laughing boy! We’ve still got a little robbery to solve!”
“Don’t try to kid me! I bet you’ve got some plan of action mapped out!”
“Nada! I stumbled upon the answer with the help of Ensign Rudd! The crook we’re looking for is probably the guy known as The Fox! I brought a PADD so you can see what he looks like…”
“Owww…it’s still hot! Okay, now that we know what he looks like, how do we find him?”
“Hell, I can’t do all the thinking for you! We’ll have to find him somehow! The only clues are a list of places Ensign Rudd gave me where he might be tempted to hole up or steal something!”
Soon, they were at the door to a shuttlebay. “This bay is the first place!” The Torch said. “Let’s look inside!”
“I hear ya, hotshot!”
Spidey went in first, to find a Starfleet officer hunched over the console at the top of the stairs. The Torch flew on while Spider-Man rushed over to see if he was alright. He touched his back and immediately pulled his hands away to find that they were stuck to a piece of cloth. It had blended in perfectly with the officer’s uniform, and now it adhered to his hands like glue. The officer stirred and stood up straight, revealing the unmistakable face of The Fox. He leveled a phaser at Spider-Man.
“My hands! They’re stuck--useless!”
“Ah, you catch on quickly, don’t you? Well, now that your hands are occupied, I’ll just make sure that I put the rest of you out of action, too! For now that you’ve outlived your usefulness to The Fox, I must regretfully bid you adieu!”
But, at that split-second, a sudden streak of flame darted out, striking The Fox’s weapon and melting it instantaneously!
“Th-the Torch! A wise man is never too proud to flee when his plans are upset! I’ll still triumph over those two young bunglers!” The Fox leapt over the railing and dropped painfully into the bay below.
“Stop squirming, Spider-Man! I’ll melt that thing off you in a minute!”
While The Fox yelled in agony, Spider-Man snapped at the Torch. “Hey! Take it easy, Torch! Those are my hands in there!”
“Anybody ever tell you that you complain a lot for a superhero? There! Now you can wiggle your little pink fingers again!”
Spidey leapt the railing and the Torch flew over him, but the doors opened at nearly the same time, to admit Rudd and some of his officers. They charged down into the shuttlebay, to find Spidey and the Torch hunched over the inert, screaming form of The Fox, who had broken his leg in the fall. His two lackeys entered just after the security officers, and were quickly spotted and arrested.
“Now, Spider-Man, I’m afraid I do have orders to bring you in too, son.”
The Torch stepped up to Rudd. “Hey, I thought we had an understanding, pal! He’s innocent!”
Rudd squared up to the Torch. “I like you, Torch. I do. But I have orders. Captains Picard and Williams are gonna be through that door any second, and I can’t tell them I’ve lost--HEY!”
Spider-Man leapt clear to the ceiling of the large bay. Several people fired their phasers at him, but he scuttled along and scrambled all the way to the door, which he then swung through by holding on to the top of the frame. The Torch just laughed.
Rudd sent a couple men after Spider-Man, but shook his head and sputtered at the futility of it.
The search was on for the stolen paintings. Captain Picard was fuming, but he tried not to show it. He allowed Data to assist in the search, and soon they were able to cobble together a method of scanning for the ancient artifacts. Picard retired to his ready room, where he was soon joined by Beverly Crusher.
“Jean-Luc…you’re so red! Are you coming down with something?” Her concern was real, but she knew better than to ask him directly what he was angry about. He continued to frown, and closed the report in front of him.
“Doctor…we had him! We almost had Spider-Man! And then? In a stroke of pure…stubbornness…he’s eluded us again! What am I to tell Admiral Jameson? What am I to do, the next time he decides to run amok on board my ship?”
Crusher sat in the chair across from him. “It might sound crazy, Jean-Luc, but I think you ought to let it go.”
He snorted out a sharp laugh. “Oh, let it go? That’s…I can’t do that, and you know it.” Picard stood up, paced over to his window and looked out of it, hands clasped behind his back. “We’re Starfleet. The Federation doesn’t have men like that running around outside the law, outside any form of order, just on their own whim. We curtail the potential dangers of every life form who makes the Federation their home to every other life form, and they submit to it with a modicum of dignity.” He turned around, a sarcastic smirk upon his face. “But not Spider-Man. No! Spider-Man runs around with impunity, does whatever he wants! And when we lose him, the majority of onlookers say ‘oh well, he’s not so bad after all’.” Picard came over to the desk and leaned on it, the better to look into Beverly’s eyes. “But he is, Beverly. He’s a public menace, on board a Starfleet vessel, disrupting our duties whenever it suits his desires. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!”
Crusher couldn’t help but laugh at him outright. His nostrils flared, and he got off of the desk in a huff.
“Jean-Luc, what about Q? He could come back at any moment, and it seemed obvious that he’s capable of far more than Spider-Man is. For that matter, Data could even be capable of greater feats.”
“That’s not the issue, Doctor.”
“Oh? Well then what is? It’s obvious to me that he’s humiliated you.” She held up her hands to stave off a tongue-lashing. “You’ve kept your dignity throughout this entire preposterous series of events. I just mean that he’s undermined you as Captain, and I think it’s getting to you. What you need is to be able to let it go.”
There was a period of silence in which neither of them spoke, and then she added, “Wesley really likes both of you. I think he’d be devastated if he had to see much more of this. He respects you because you’re the Captain, but Spider-Man…he’s what every boy probably wishes he could be.”
Picard straightened his perfectly straight uniform top. “I would imagine that Vulcan boys aspire to be more like Mr. Spock.”
“Yyyyes, well that may be, but I think you get the point.”
“I do. Thank you, Doctor. Well I really must be getting back to this report. If you’ll excuse me?”
“Not a problem, Jean-Luc.” Crusher got up and let herself out.
Picard shook his head. No one understood. Spider-Man was like a teenager in the twentieth century, stealing hubcaps. He had to be stopped.
Peter returned to his quarters, another job well done, another catastrophe narrowly avoided. The Torch and him might make good partners yet, though it remained to be seen. He regretted that he had to return to his normal identity, although he also liked being Peter Parker. Well, sometimes. Being Spider-Man offered him power and freedom like he’d never experience otherwise, but being Peter Parker kept him grounded. He had a career, a family, a friend…
Sure, there were guys out there like Flash Thompson and he’d always probably strike out with girls like Betty Brant, but he outranked them both! Lieutenant Connors would take time to see his potential, but that didn’t matter. He could coast through his Starfleet career and still make a name for himself, take pictures on the side and reach his full potential in the foiling of villains. How many people could say they’d swung into action, fought crime, alongside the Human Torch?
Now there was one more.
